you are everywhere i go. so i try not going anywhere at all. but you were there, even when i shut myself in the room. it's your absence, that is felt so immensely, so vividly.

for hours, i was drown in a flight of thoughts, a well of memories, your joy, your sorrow, our happy faces.

i wanted to say i'm so sorry. but i doubt if you would take any of my words, or what i say actually matters anymore. my last hope will perish, as you tell me it's nothing i have done wrong, you simply don't love me anymore.

If I hate anyone that will be myself. I hate myself because I failed you. For me you tried to be all you can. You showed me the greatest kindness. Now I can only look back in regrets, all the wrongs that I did, all the harm that I caused. I wish I could take them back.

Last night I cried myself to sleep. I was so scared that I am starting to lose some of our memories together. I tried to recall what we did last Christmas, Valentines’ day, each other’s birthday. It hurts that those important chapters of life we spent together, they fade with time.

At work, I seem normal. Clock in, clock out. And the day went by.

I hate time at home. Tears running, like an open wound. I cannot explain what I feel. It is so painful as if I was literally torn part.

At times, I feel numb. I am not myself anymore. I stare without watching, hear without listening. I forget things. I am out of my mind.

2nd sem 的完結篇

2nd sem就這樣以一堆deadline作結了。現在心情說不上是輕鬆，因為我知道暑假只有短短的3個月。

上星期六剛好是博物館日，下午我跟羊羊羊去左museum of art。其實只要見過下世面都知香港的museum of art d展覽通常都好yap!不過我地剛好join左一堂導賞，都算學到野。除左因為導賞員好pro，都因為我的知識好貧乏!!!真係唔好以為水墨畫求求其其畫幾筆就得!作畫的人是要花很多心思去經營(好文雅私動詞!!)畫的構圖的!!而且筆法很講究，咩破墨呀、積墨呀…..都係第一次聽咋!從來都唔識得欣賞中國畫的我，現在知道一定要了解埋作畫的人的生平才可以領略中國文人畫的精髓。我猛叫羊羊羊抄低 d優雅既形容詞和動詞，除左覺得佢可能遲d in curator時有用，其實係暗中expect仍可能會整理番一份notes俾我的!!哈哈!!在此順祝羊羊羊interview成功喔!!!!

晚上跟master的同學仔去太子的警務人員xx會度燒野食。環境跟食物都不錯耶! (而且地點實在好方便!)明顯完成功課後的同學仔個樣都醒目d!其實有這班同學仔好可能是我讀呢個master既最大收穫…..因為我唔知讀完之後究竟會唔會有機會學以致用…….(好可能係無…….灰…@ @…..)Uncle Harry的一席話確是當頭棒喝!!我是很容易迷失的人……

另，我想跟朋友去學yoga，但咁多yoga中心都執笠wor!咁點先?!!?還是在家中先行練習逆腹式呼吸一下……

(連續好多個)星期日的下午

出動可樂、零食......我音樂都唔開!!不過都阻止唔到我篇essay步向死亡之中。與此同時，我家的貓兒正懶洋洋地享受陽光.... 我再次覺得人真係一種好鐘意攞苦黎辛既動物，不懂得活在當下，單純地享受一下好天氣。試下俾我得閒到攤係度日光浴，我一定好似有野咬咁要找野諗下做下先得安樂....
人總係有份放唔低既self esteem。所以食飯訓覺之餘我地仲要有成個list 既目標要accomplish。完成一項，就挑戰下一項。如果唔係，就開始會怨自己好廢.....
我現在的首項是讀書，隨住暑假來臨，我要再調節一下我的時間表了。太多目標，都要一起進行吧。
太耐無閱讀了，我的書都放那裡?
5月6日之後的是alain de botton